MTV has just issued the most epic press release of all time. The network, in as business-like a way as possible, has confirmed to the world that Taylor Swift did not — I repeat, DID NOT — fart on live TV.
Media from around the world have been trying to solve the biggest mystery of the day: what was that strange, flatulent sound that seemed to come from the pop star as she squatted down while introducing her new music video “Wildest Dreams”?
The uproar was so great — and the inquiries so plenty — that the former music channel actually conducted its own investigation and determined it was not a case of broken wind, but simply an open microphone.
Here is the statement in full:
“MTV can confirm that the sound heard in the moment Taylor Swift introduced her new music video, ‘Wildest Dreams,’ was isolated to a production microphone. There was absolutely no possibility of it being Taylor or anyone in her party’s microphones picking up ambient sounds.”
Thank God we’ve cleared that up. Now on to bigger issues like who will be Kanye West’s running mate…
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